I
If I meant your wretched bill to pay
Twice two will never make eleven
Do you suppose I should ever run away
'Tis a long way to run from Heaven to Hell
II
If I meant to pay your bill so huge
Twice three will never make eleven
Do you suppose I should go to Bruges
London is Hell but Bruges is not Heaven
III
Fact is I haven't got the tin
Twice four will never make eleven
And not to pay bills is a venial sin
With a venial sin you may go to Heaven
IV
If you choose to serve me with a writ
Twice five will never make eleven
You can if you like I don't care a bit
You can't serve writs on the blessed in Heaven
V
If Mister Shrimpton comes to you
Twice six will never make eleven
Tell him I've gone to Timbuctoo
Or further still to Hell or Heaven
VI
Say I'll see him damned if I'll pay his bill
Twice seven will never make eleven
But I give him instead an opium pill
No bills or pills for the blessed in Heaven
VII
And then he will never trouble me more
Twice eight will never make eleven
Neither he nor his wretched solicitor
There are lawyers in Hell but none in Heaven
VII
Not in Heaven the lawyer's lot is cast
Twice nine will never make eleven
Costello by no means least or last
Though Mrs Costello is quite sure of Heaven