Smith's Law of Hove is as follows:
"No-one ventures further into Hove than the
street in which they reside."
Many residents of Hove still lead lives which are so
Brighton-centric that
they do not even know the name of the street one block to
the West.
I am so bored by that oft-repeated phrase uttered at
dinner-parties and
gatherings like a mantra - 'I live in Brighton, well,
Hove actually' - that
it is time to raise consciousness.
Residents of Brighton and Hove - gentlefolk and youth
join together and surge
Westwards - break the law of Hove - say it loud 'Hove
and PROUD!'.
From the bohemian streets of Brunswick and Lansdowne
to the genteel but
distressed Villas of Osborne and Medina, think about the
positive aspects
of Hove. Here are some of my personal favourites.
- 1 - Old people live in Hove. There is nothing
intrinsically wrong with
teenagers and students, but the distinct lack of
people over 40 in the
streets of Brighton is slightly disturbing. My
older neighbours are funny
and interesting, and will always say hello in the
street, unlike cool
Brighton dudes. 2 - The Bali Bar. Tucked
away deep inside a ghastly residential court on
the seafront between 1st & 2nd Avenue. If the
Bali Bar was in Brighton it
would be crammed every night of the week with
ironic consumers marvelling
at the longest mirror bar in Europe and the
bamboo- and shell-clad decor.
You don't have to eat here to enjoy the Twin
Peaks ambience, but if you are
very hungry they do a great value buffet in the
chic restaurant area.
Remarkable live entertainment on Friday nights
too.
3 - Home Plastics. On Western Road between
Farm Road and Lansdowne Place.
You can furnish and maintain your stylish and
palatial Hove flat without
ever having to go into Brighton. This tiny shop
sells everything you will
ever need, and the service is gracious and
helpful whether you are a
slightly muddled old lady or a crazed-fool
studded with facial piercings.
4 - Palmeira Square and Adelaide Crescent.
Over the top architecture
providing glamourous housing for Hove's richest
and poorest alike. Yuppies,
old queens, junkies and ladies of the night share
the same view of the
floral clock. This area was celebrated in the
fantastic comic book soap
opera written and drawn by Salisbury Road
resident Cool Cheese. 'Palmolive
Square' pre-dates the animated Crapston Villas
series, but chronicled the
lives of residents, shopkeepers and language
students in a similar vein.
Even local anti-hero Chris Eubank made an
appearance (as he does everywhere
else in Hove and Brighton). Palmeira Square not
only boasts the floral
clock, but the classiest flower stall in Sussex -
buy huge and exotic
flowers to create contemporary Constance Spry
arrangements for your
giant-sized Hove mantelpiece.
5 - Hove Town Hall Car Park. This is an ugly
and unremarkable erection -
apart from the comforting but vain attempt to
pretty it up with flower
boxes on every level. Also, this car park is the
site of one of the many
gruesome murders in Helen Zahavi's feminist
revenge novel Dirty Weekend. It
is worth pointing out that although this was
promoted as a Brighton novel,
the heroine actually lived in and murdered mainly
in Hove. Although the
existing Town Hall is
as ugly as the car park, the previous Town Hall
was
built by Waterhouse (architect of the Natural
History Museum and Brighton
Metropole Hotel). Before it burnt down in 1966
this was a venue for,
amongst other entertainments, british
psychedelic garage bands.
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